People fight over the silliest things.
I remember once in college when I was an usher for a concert. It was my first time ushering but I quickly got the hang of it. You just looked at people’s tickets and helped them to find their seat. But there was one couple that came to me several minutes after the concert started, with mad expressions on their faces. They were having an argument with another couple over the seats assigned to them. I took a look at their tickets and then took a look at the other couple’s tickets. Then I told one couple “you two are here,” and the other couple “you are here.” That was it. They were only off by a few seats. But they had gotten themselves into such an argument about it that they were not able to solve this problem themselves.
What about in church? Do church members fight over insignificant things? You bet they do. I was once in an hour long meeting at church listening to arguments over what color the walls of the sanctuary should be. I found lots of other examples of these meaningless squabbles too. For example some people fought over whether “deviled eggs” should be allowed in church potlucks. People have fought over the type of coffee served, or whether or not worship leaders should be clean-shaven. Some people wanted to ban the wearing of black shirts in a worship service. And I have also read about arguments about the type of plants displayed. It goes on and on. Here is a list of the top 5 things that church members fight over, according to churchanswers.com:
The time of the worship service
How to handle or deal with a staff member involved in a moral failure of some sort
The length of worship services
A misunderstanding on who makes decisions
What kind of worship style a church is going to have
The second one in that list is really the only one that I think might actually matter. It seems in church, like all other places where people congregate, there are disagreements on things of little or no consequence. The church isn’t immune to this because the church has the same problem: it Is made up of people. Here is what the bible has to say about this:
James 4:1-6
4 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?
One thing I have noticed in my life that is a clear sign of these types of disagreements is when prayer is used as a weapon. What does this mean, you ask? I have been party to several arguments between believers, where neither person could be persuaded by the other. Inevitably those discussions will end with one member exasperatedly saying “well I’ll pray for you,” and then walking off. It’s like if someone were to say that they had an unspoken prayer request, and it probably is about you.
So what do we do in these situations? What is worth fighting over and what isn’t? Experts will advise that we evaluate the problem first. Ask yourself “Does this issue really matter? Is it worth my time?” If you can honestly say that this issue is not worth you spending any large amount of time on, then you have your answer. Also ask what the consequences of you winning or losing this argument will be. If there aren’t many positive consequences (either way), then it is probably best to step away from the issue. Lastly, if you do choose to address an issue, try to find a “win-win” situation, instead of a “win-lose” one. Is there a way to resolve this where everyone benefits? Think long and hard about that because there often can be such a thing. Also, that mindset is just better. It soundly beats the mindset of “beating” your opponent.
These squabbles we have speak to the character of each of us. That character can be developed just like anything else. We have to choose to develop it though. There is an old Cherokee story about this. It goes like this:
An old Cherokee man sits his grandson down and says to him, “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside all of us. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.” The boy thought about it and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?” The old man then quietly replied, “The one you feed.”
God Bless