Do you remember social events from middle school? I do. Nothing struck fear into the heart of an adolescent like the middle school dance. Dance isn’t something they taught at my school, and hardly anyone around knew what they were doing on the dance floor. But we really didn’t have to worry much about that, because there usually weren’t many people that even tried. That’s because in my middle school a dance event wasn’t really about dancing. No, it was all about seeing if any boy would be brave enough to ask a girl to dance with them.
The middle school dance floor can be divided into three sections. The girls all congregate on one side of the room, and the boys on the opposite side. At one end of the room lie the chaperones. And there is this big gulf in the middle of the room where the actual dancing is to take place.
I remember one dance very well. No boys had yet crossed the chasm to ask a girl to go with them to the middle of the floor. You could almost see the cloud of nervousness hover over the room. What boy would make the first move? Would anyone make the journey, or would we be looking at a face off of genders for a few hours, broken only by brief forays to the refreshment table (carefully guarded by the parents)?
I am proud to say that I was one of the first boys to break the stalemate. I gathered my courage and walked across the floor, stopping in front of a girl I had several classes with. I boldly asked her if she wanted to dance with me.
Her answer? “No.”
I immediately retreated to the side of my compatriots, crestfallen. But then a funny thing happened. I got over it. I even found myself relaxing a little. Sure, I was rebuffed, but at least I made the attempt. This was more than I could say about most of the boys. I felt freer afterwards. I realized how silly it all was and was able to put it behind me and have a good time.
Why are these things so scary for many of us? I think a big part of it is a fear of rejection. Nobody likes that. But maybe in some way it is also a reflection of confidence. And that is really about how we view ourselves.
We see this with work-life sometimes. If you have worked for someone else, how often have you talked about getting a promotion? That is also a scary concept for a lot of people. I have heard that 40 percent of employees never discuss career prospects with their management. This is ironic since research has shown that the best way to get a promotion is to ask for one. From a study done by Accenture in 2014:
“Pay Raises and Promotions: More than half (57 percent) of all respondents have asked for or negotiated a pay raise, and three out of four (77 percent) who have done so have received one. Slightly less than half (44 percent) have asked for a promotion, and more than two-thirds (68 percent) who have done so received one.”
So why aren’t people asking for promotions more often? I think it boils down to the same two things: fear of rejection, and a low self-image. We see this played out in the bible with Jesus’ ministry, in the form of a blind man having what I call “squeaky wheel” faith:
Mark 10:46-52
46 Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (which means “son of Timaeus”), was sitting by the roadside begging. 47 When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”
48 Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
49 Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”
So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” 50 Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.
51 “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
52 “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.
Why do you think so many people wanted Bartimaeus to remain silent? Perhaps they thought him not worthy of Jesus’ attention. I am glad he didn’t think that way. Jesus gave him his full attention. His actions should have signaled to everyone around (and to us, the readers) that when it comes to approaching God, there is no such thing as rejection, and therefore there is nothing to fear.
If you had complete confidence in yourself, what would you do? What would your faith look like? May it be as squeaky as Bartimaeus’ was.
God Bless.